Rejoining my Father & sister at the reunion table

Col 1:9-11 ...asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will in 

all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 

so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord 

and please him in every way: 

bearing fruit in every good work, 

growing in the knowledge of God, 

being strengthened with all power 

according to His glorious might so that 

you may have full endurance and patience, and joyfully...

Phil 2:14-16 ...Do everything without complaining or arguing, 

so that you may be blameless and pure,

children of God without fault in a crooked and perverse generation, 

in which you shine as lights in the world as you hold forth the word of life, 

in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain...

What is one thing I fear most as I lived as a disciple of Christ? Several years ago (actually many years ago, time flies without me realising it) when I had decided to be serious with my relationship with God, I knew one thing that I am very concerned about is to live a life blameless and pleasing to the Lord. Everything that I do, I seek to please the Lord cos everything will come down to nothing if it doesn't please my Lord, my God, my Abba Father. I am all out to be a God-pleaser. And somewhere along the way, I've learnt that pleasing God is not about the things we do (or not do), rather the attitude of our hearts. It's about the heart of worship, the posture of our daily lives, are we in the position of continuous surrender and continuous worship with a right heart.
During my study of Revelation last year, I came across Rev 20 which mentioned that our deeds were recorded in a book, which will be opened when we all come before the judge. Knowing the Father's heart, I somehow sensed that the deeds is secondary but the attitude in which we carried out these deeds is the primary thing that will be recorded and which we have to account for. While the deeds do earn us some brownie points, the attitude in which they are carried out will be the one which earn us some crowns or a big bungalow in heaven. Therefore, in my daily life, I seek to live this blameless life that is pleasing to the Lord.
Beginning of this year, I listened to the teaching from Benny Ho on the fear of the Lord. Prov 9:10 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Now even to start having the knowledge of our God and in having that wisdom and understanding of our God, there comes something before all these. And that's to have the fear of the Lord. In having the fear of the Lord, to me, is to be in reverence of the Lord. To know that God is God and I have to take Him as God that I worship and not someone whom I can fool around with. "This fear of the Lord opens up the treasure box of wisdom and knowledge of understanding" (extracted from Benny's message) and without the fear of the Lord, we fall into the danger of the evil snares.
So this is the prime part of today's blog, something that I want to put down on record to remember and remind myself how easy I can be the target of my deceitful heart. I confessed in cell group today regarding an episode of my wrong attitude in my heart. A seed of envy & bitterness that was unknowingly planted some time ago which I could break free from as I confessed my wrongs before a trusted group of friends. As we studied the 2 characters of 'Prodigal God', I realised that I fell into the category of the 'elder brother' as I felt that it wasn't fair that God spoke to a sister, who was away from God for some time, who spoke hurtful words to me, who wasn't serving as I slogged and endured all the hardship and at the same time 'served' and be there for her, so intimately, yet God didn't speak to me the same way that He did to her (or at least that what I thought). I (think) I knew I was entangled in this hard feelings for a couple of weeks, yet I felt that my feelings were justifiable because she had done me wrong by hurting me.
As the evening unfolds, as we shared about the attitude of the elder brother. As we discussed and agreed that this attitude is something that is extremely unpleasing to God and that's why Jesus used this parable not to actually bring out the wrongs of the younger brother who left and returned but rather the fact that the big brother who was also with the Father, yet far away from the Father at the same time. While the younger brother did left the Father, he had returned to the Father's side and the relationship had been restored. But the elder brother, by refusing to be part of the feast to celebrate his younger brother's return was truly the one who was far from the Father and outside the Father's house.
Then the amazing part that touched me was that the Father came out to plead with the elder brother to come in and join in the feast. The feast is not over. But if I do not return into the house, I might truly missed out on the great feast which my Father wanted me to be part of too. And if I do not return to the house, I might truly be standing out of His house just watching and brewing more bitterness while the feast continues in the house. Where do I want to be? If I want to live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, then I need to return to the Father. And so this evening, I confessed my wrong attitude as a big brother. And I thank God that He revealed this very subtle part of me which could possible go hidden for the rest of my life and man, what will I be missing out at the feast?