"I love God more than I love you"

Happy Mother's Day.

A deep after thought in my mind about the conversation I had with my lil Bryan today.

For many many months, Bryan had started showing his displeasure, unhappiness by clinging to me and his I-want-mummy screams whenever I served as Sunday School praise leader in his class. I had always been Bryan's 'teacher' in KinderJam and Sunday School since he was really little and this behaviour just started showing recently. Well anyway, I know (really know) that this phase will past as it had happened to Caleb before (except that it happened to Caleb since the beginning, so there was no surprise) and today, Caleb will worship or sit in class like any normal boy when I am the one leading or teaching. He had gotten used to my dual roles both as his mummy and his friends' teacher.

So what brought me to blog down today's incident was really the response to Bryan when he was in his tantrum.

Here's what I told him.
"Bryan, you have mummy on Monday-Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. (Just to emphasise that he had my everyday, many days) But I only come here and serve God on Sunday morning. And mummy want to serve God cos I know God loves me and I want to love Him back....... You know mummy loves you right? But mummy also love God a lot, more than I love you. So can I just serve him on Sunday morning, please?... (conversation went on longer than this)"

After I had spoken that I loved God more than I love my lil Bryan, I began to search my heart on how true was I to my words.We all know that we are to love God more than anything, so theocratically, it's something I shouldn't be wrong by saying that. But yet deep in my heart, I truly want to know if I could love God more than my own sons & daughter.

Did Abraham love God more than Isaac that he could offer his son as a living sacrifice to God?
Did Job love God more than his family that he still stand in his faith even when God allowed everything be taken from him?

I do not think that God would want me to demonstrate my love for him by putting my son on to the sacrificial table, because the God that I serve and I love, loves me more than I do. And I know God will never want me to do anything that compromises my children, because they are his children too. Maybe it's just a reminder on my part that God had placed my children in my care in this lifetime. They are sheep that require my greatest commitment, love, care and nurturing to disciple them into adulthood. But I should never forget my first love - God. And as I remember that He is the source of my love for my children. He is love. God is love. And it is His desire for me to love. And as I love others, His love has been perfected in me.
(1 John 4:12-16)

Though I still can't be certain that indeed my love for God is more than lil Bryan, I will constantly remind myself not to love Him less.

Psalms 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Matthew 6:33 "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."